Twenty three books this month! Jeebus. I'm actually writing this a few days before May has even finished but I know I won't be buying anymore books for the rest of this week, I think I have bought enough. All of these are from discounted bookstores, of course, so only ended up costing me £36.
Let's dig in, shall we:
Angus, thongs, and full-frontal snogging.
There are so many things very wrong with my life.
The boy I like hates me and prefers a wet weed with sticky-out ears.
My so-called 'pet', Angus, just spat at me.
I have a three-year-old sister who may have peed somewhere in my room.
I went to a party dressed as a stuffed olive.
It's okay, I'm wearing really big knickers.
What is the matter with my life? Why is it so deeply unfab?
It's a day and a half now since I snogged the Sex God...
I think I have snog withdrawel. My lips keep puckering up...
I tried snogging the back of my hand, but it's no good...
I wonder if the Sex God is having second thoughts about me because of my nose...
I have a HUGE nose that means I have to live forever in the Ugly Home.
Knocked out by my nunga-nungas.
Ellen's brother says if you pull out a girls breast and let it go...it goes nunga-nunga-nunga!
My nunga-nungas are like two sticky-out beacons attracting all the sadsacks in the universe...
My nose is gigantic. It must have grown overnight...
My eyebrows are approaching the "it's a moustache! It's a hedgehog! No it's Georgia's eyebrows!!!" Stage...
I just inspected my legs. It looks like I have hairy trousers on...
Dancing in my nuddy-pants!
The Sex God's friends think I'm a bit weird.
I don't know why, I've always been the height of sophisticosity around them.
Apart from that time Dom asked me what I wanted to do at college and I said "backing dancing..."
And when I danced around in front of his dad because I thought he was a talent spotter...
And then I put my foot through Dom's base drum...
But apart from those minor hiccups I've exuded sophisticosity, I like to think.
And that's when it fell off in my hand.
This is my fabulous life:
The Sex God left for Kiwi-a-gogo land last month and he has taken my heart with him.
Not literally, of course, otherwise there would be a big hole in my nunga-nungas.
And also I would be dead.
Which quite frankly would be a blessing in disguise.
Then he ate my boy enchancers.
We are going on holiday to Hamburger-a-gogo land and Masimo the Luuurve God is there. Let the overseas snog fest begin!
I've whittled my wardrobe down to six cases...and a rucksack...and my shoes - only eight pairs...
Oh, the tension, the tension...
I'll just have a little zizz and then plan my cosmetics routine...
Z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z ...
...just woke up from a horrible dream - a customs official charged me excess baggage for my nose!
Startled by his furry shorts!
Why did I admit I wanted Masimo as my proper boyfriend? Why?
One minute he was snogging me, and then the next he was snogging Wet Lindsey, stick insect and drip.
Perhaps I should tell him he can go out with her as well as me...
But then I might snog him just after she has, which means I have pratically snogged her! Erlack!!
I would rather snog my cat, Angus!
He has certainly got nicer legs...well, more of them, anyway.
Luuurve is a many trousered thing
I may or may not have accidentally acquired two boyfriends...
This means I have to be on high beauty and glamorosity alert at all times, even in the loo.
I must be prepared. But no one must know. I must exude glamour but in a natural just-tumbled-out-of-bed way.
So just a hint of foundation, lurker eradicator, touch of bronzer, and leave it at that.
Oh yes, and a touch of lipgloss, mascara and a tiny bit of eyeliner.
I don't suppose they would consider a time share girlfriend...
Stop in the name of pants!
He is quite literally gorgey porgey beyond belief. Times a hundred.
I will never again be on the rack of boynosity, hanging around the cakeshop of luuurve, trying to find a spare eclair.
So tell me this. How in the name of giddygodspyjamas have I ended up snogging Dave the Laugh? Again!!!
And it wasn't just matey-type mate snogging.
It was a 'phwoaaaaar' snogging situation, verging on number five!!
Why won't he stop sneaking around in my brain?
Are these my basoomas I see before me?
Oh yes, the hilariousity goes on for one last time. Here it is...maybe probably...pants for the memories!
My marvy Luuurve God boyfriend has got the full Humpty Dumpty with me for accidentally twisiting with Dave the Laugh.
Which is not actually my fault. I cannot be expected to control my body parts, they pop out unexpectedly and so on.
For instance my lips do ad-hoo puckering up every time Dave the Laugh comes near them, I don't know why.
Ditto jelloid knickers.
Anyway shut up about Dave the Laugh, he has got a GIRLFRIEND.
Not that I care. Or do I?
Oh I don't know, so many boys, so little time...
By Louise Renninson.
These books all cost just £10 for all of them, which I thought was pretty amazing so I thought hey, why not get them seeing as I really enjoyed the first one a couple of years ago but never got around to finishing the rest. I'm eighteen, fully aware I am past the stage of Georgia, but I'll probably enjoy these books all the same. If you missed it, the first book is in my Monday Missions so by the time this is published, I'd have already read it and you will shortly hear an update!
(Go to part two for the rest of this post)
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