My First Graze Box!

My aunt is a great lover of Graze boxes, a UK subscription box that sends healthy alternative snacks of your choice to your doorstep as regularly as you want. I sound like a commercial, but I just love what they stand for and how they create biodegradable and recyclable (and beautiful!) packaging, and surprisingly tasty snacks. 

The type of box I got was a variety box for free, because I had a voucher code delivered to me with my National Geographic monthly subscription (an 18th birthday gift from my other aunt that she hasn't cancelled yet, so thank you!). The other types of boxes I believe you can get are dip and dippers boxes, bakery boxes, jerky boxes, chocolate boxes, flapjack boxes, light box (all under 150 calories), protein boxes, sugar count boxes, pure boxes (heavily nutritional), savoury boxes, sustain boxes (snacks that give you sustainable energy), aromatic broth boxes, and popcorn boxes. You can also get special edition boxes - protein top-up boxes and tea boxes (!!!!!!!!). 

I swear I'm not sponsored (I wish!)

(cute!)

I just really love the packing so I quickly want to share it before I go into what I think about the snacks. I think it's really cute and I have no idea what to use this box for in the future, but I can't bare to throw it away!

I love to see that, inside, the lovely packaging continues. It gave me two £5 vouchers for Graze for friends (lets be real though, what bookworm teenager has that many friends!). It also contains a Welcome to Graze type of booklet, and an information sheet on what each snack contains. Which is really handy, I wasn't expecting it, I thought I would have to Google that. 

So the snacks I received was Jam Doughnut, Louisiana Wild Rice and Beans, Apple and Cinnamon Flapjack and Peanut Butter Pretzels. 

Jam Doughnut. 

This contains raspberry fruit strings, raspberry infused cranberries, almond slivers and vanilla sponge drops. Suitable for vegetarians. Not suitable for vegans - contains egg and milk. 

This was completely different to what I expected. I knew I wouldn't like the almond, and that I didn't. However, raspberries are one of my favourite fruits (berries in general, really!) and they didn't disappoint. So much flavour! It was just a burst of beautiful, juicy goodness and I wish I could just go to the supermarket and buy whole bags of it. It tasted like candy, almost, but healthy. The sponge drops I was hesitant about because I really can't say I'm a fan of vanilla. The smell in a candle is nice an' all but any other involvement of vanilla, not fond about. These were really crunchy and flavoursome, though, and I was surprised to find how much I liked them.

Wild Rice and Beans. 

Contains wild rice sticks and chilli broad beans - suitable for vegetarians and vegans. 

I admit I was hesitant about trying these. I'm not a huge fan of beans, or chilli, but I am a pretty big fan of wild rice. This was the first snack I tried and I was surprised to find out they were crunchy, and they complimented each other beautifully. I'm not a fan of spicy food, but these weren't really spicy - they just had a little bit of a kick, and the wild rice sticks helped mellow it out and add a bit of a herby flavour to it. This might be disappointing to spice lovers, though. I really want to try this again!

Apple and Cinnamon Flapjacks. 

Apple and Cinnamon Flapjacks - suitable for vegetarians. Not suitable for vegans - contains honey and margarine. 

I didn't like these very much. I knew that I wouldn't, because I don't like cinnamon. I've never really liked cinnamon. It tastes a lot like apple pie and what Christmas smells like. If you like that kind of thing, I would recommend them because I believe they sell singles of these around and about if you go looking for them. I'm just not very interested in these at all and ate one bite, then gave the rest to my friends (who very much enjoy cinnamon!).  

Peanut Butter Pretzels. 

Contains 100% peanut butter and lightly salted pretzel sticks - suitable for vegetarians and vegans. 

Again, I knew I wouldn't like it because I don't like peanut butter. I threw it away because nobody else in my household likes peanut butter, either, but I do have this to say about it - it would taste amazing if peanut butter is your thing. It was a rough textured blend, and tasted like peanuts instead of the creamy and icky peanut butter taste. It wasn't bad at all, and I did really enjoy the pretzels (just with my own dip) but I just...really don't like peanuts.

I hope you enjoyed this. Because each snack would be about £1 (this box would be £3.99 if I paid for it) I think it's a little too expensive for my budget right now, but maybe sometime in the future when I have a job or something because it certainly was a pretty good subscription box. What do you think about Graze or any of the snacks that I have mentioned? 

Good Ol' Sadness || Cheering Up

We all feel sad. Some of us have depression, like me, where we find ourselves falling into our own dug graves so deep we sometimes lose hope that we won't ever get back out. I'm currently in this rut, I won't lie. By writing this post, I not only want this to build me a ladder of motivation to get out but I hope this will be a little helping hand for those of you who stumble across this - I know I have one or two new followers, so hello and welcome! 

Remember Your Responsibilities

Wait, what?! I can't just sit in my bed watching Netflix, crying and eating French Fries?! No, no you can't. I find this to be a common thing with me where, even just thinking about the things I need to do, I want to retreat back to my bed and ignore the world and pretend like they don't exist. The only problem is that they do, and the more you ignore them the more they build up and add to your existing current problems. Taking care of things like remembering to wash your dishes, pay your bills, and go to school/college/work when you need to will be a weight off your shoulders in the long run and will help you feel productive. It will even give you a focus point, if you drive a lot of energy into making sure you don't run behind with things that need to be done. 

Look After Yourself!

Unsurprisingly, when you feel like you're just waiting until the world ends, you often forget or lack the energy or the care beans to look after yourself. Showering everyday, sleeping at night, eating healthily and exercising, doing your work, taking any meds for your mental health or your physical health needs. I don't personally take medication, but I know so many people who do and just forget. Oh, and drinking plenty of water! Keeping the body of where the brain is stored healthy will eventually result in a little bit more spoons and a little bit more happiness. Eating nothing but Ben and Jerry's ice cream and slouching in your pyjamas on the sofa is going to do nothing but make you feel more crappy. Get into some goals and see this as an excellent opportunity to get healthier. 

Pursue/Find New Hobbies

Personally, I used to love to write and to read and to bake and to take walks and to spend time with animals at rescue centres via volunteer work, but all of this got clouded and when my life fell apart I realized all I really felt like I had left was Once Upon a Time: Season 3. I thought about how I used to have plenty of hobbies, and when I joined college and had a bit of a life change it got pushed to the side. You can always create hobbies if you've never really had any that you've always wanted to do but haven't had the time or the wants to, now is your chance! - learning to play an instrument, improving/learning how to draw, make a video, do something you've wanted to do for a long time. Stop making excuses. Yesterday, you said tomorrow. JUST DO IT!

Be a Positive Person 

I think a good example is Lilly Singh (iisuperwomanii from YouTube) or Emma Blackery, who stopped being involved in negative things like drama. By positive, I understand being depressed means you won't be positive - if you could do that, you wouldn't be depressed. What I mean is say positive things, be nice to people, talk about motivation and friendly quotes and just be so, so nice. Being a nice person will make you feel a little better about yourself. Trust me. Stop paying attention to negative things, stop replying to negative people and just do your thing. You'll thank me later.

Don't Force Yourself 

This doesn't apply to things that need to be done but if it's something like - in my case - completing a monthly reading goal, if you don't feel like picking up that book to read you can try it and if you're really just not into it, you don't have to. Make sure you're looking after yourself. 

I really hoped some of these helped you, they're helping me a little bit, and do let me know what little things you do to make yourself feel better when your life has fallen to shit.  

Review || The Lie Tree by Frances Hardinge

The Lie Tree is a dark and powerful novel from universally acclaimed author, Frances Hardinge. It was not enough. All knowledge- any knowledge - called to Faith, and there was a delicious, poisonous pleasure in stealing it unseen. Faith has a thirst for science and secrets that the rigid confines of her class cannot suppress. And so it is that she discovers her disgraced father's journals, filled with the scribbled notes and theories of a man driven close to madness. Tales of a strange tree which, when told a lie, will uncover a truth: the greater the lie, the greater the truth revealed to the liar. Faith's search for the tree leads her into great danger - for where lies seduce, truths shatter ... 

I admit I always find it difficult to write book reviews, especially when I'm currently reading a book and my mind is involved in that world. I tend to forget quite a lot of information about the book, but honestly, Lie Tree is one that is hard to forget and I think fully deserves the positive review that it's about to receive. This book is also going to be one that's hard to review purely because of it's brilliance. How can you dull down this bright, shining sun to a thousand little fairy lights in order to explain why it's brilliant? 

The first thing I want to write about first is its vivid, complex plot. I found it difficult to summarise this in my Goodreads review, as it seems to weave quite effortlessly several different plots/themes without it being confusing, without any of them taking the focus off another, without over-doing or over-dragging the story at all. 

It seems to be a historical-fiction detective novel, where Faith tries to research the mystery surrounding her fathers' death and the history behind the tree and of all the characters surrounding her. It speaks about lies and the truth, and their significance, and how even the things that seem obvious aren't obvious at all. It covers undying love and loyalty, as even when Faiths father in his life treated her the way that he did, she never stops being loyal to him. It never dwindles or dies, and in the relationships with other characters (not just Faith with others, either), you can see this is an ongoing theme. It seems to cover revenge, hot-headed and cold revenge in all its brutality. It's a feminist masterpiece, as it focuses on how women have been invisible throughout history and Faiths pure determination to not let the fact she's a girl bordering on a woman stop her from achieving what she wants. 

Not just that, but the characters have amazing depth and complexity. They're real. They pop out at you, they take their own into your mind and create themselves. I feel like Frances purposely put description to a minimum as we don't even know Faith's hair colour for a majority of the book. That's one of the many things that amazes me about this novel. Appearances hardly seem to matter - ironically.  

The settings were equally vivid, and really added that darkness and despair feel to the book. It added that creepy aesthetic that really pulled the whole thing together. It's hard to believe this book had been categorized under "Children's Literature" because the skill of this is up at a level I expect adult, 900-page books to be. I was blown away, I found it unputdownable and you bet your butts I'm going to read other books by her - even though this one has frequently been described as her best to date. 

Overall, I rated this a 4/5 stars (only because some parts of this book didn't make sense, but the amazing of the rest of the book blinded this completely) and would recommend this to anyone. It has something in it for everyone. If this can be used a Bible on how to present female characters, that would be wonderful. 

Book Review || The Many Worlds of Albie Bright by Christopher Edge

- MIDDLE GRADE SCIENCE-FICTION - 

When Albie's mum dies, it's natural he should ask where she's gone. His parents are scientists and they usually have all the answers. Dad mutters something about quantum physics and parallel universes, so Albie gets a box, a laptop and a rotting banana, and sends himself through time and space in search of his mum. 

What he finds may or may not be what he's looking for, but he does learn the answers to some big questions. 

This book has a really close resemblance for me to A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness, which as you should know by now is one of my favourite books of all time - they are both middle grade and both have a focus around a young boy who's mother is sick with cancer. In Albie's case, this mother has already died and he wants to invent a Quantum Banana Theory to visit parallel universes so he can find one where his mother is alive, with the help of a slightly insane cat called Dylan. 

This book caught me by surprise. When I saw it in store, I automatically had high expectations not just because of the beautiful book cover but because it's science-fiction and middle grade. Any chance I can to read about quantum physics, I will take, even if I don't know that much about it. I just find it really interesting, and I'm beyond happy that Mr. Edge could write something like this to help teach the younger generation about science.

It takes you on an adorable little adventure through parallel universes of what could have happened with hilarious little scenes here and there, and the adorable is too much, okay, it's just too much. But in a great way.

I'm honestly surprised this book doesn't have more recognition because it honestly, hand on heart, deserves it. Thank you, Edge, for giving me this delightful thing.

(Go on, it's only 180 pages - you know you want to!) 

BookTalk: The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini || Forgiveness

No idea why it's taken this long to read this, considering it's been sitting in my room for a few months and maybe even a year. I've been recommended this left, right and centre but I had expectations for it that I just didn't feel like reading at the time. The only way I can describe it is that I thought it was going to be a historical document on the Taliban, Afghanistan/Iran/Pakistan, and refugees. Even though this was true to some degree, this book wasn't even about what I thought it was about and it took me into a whirlwind of surprise and I really needed to discuss it before my mind exploded. 

In case you haven't read it (and if you haven't, this isn't going to be spoiler-free so I'd suggest you leave now unless you don't care about spoilers and want to know about the book and this probably isn't the place for you either, it's going to be a whole lot of just 'what I thought') or just need a recap, this book is about two boys who share a home and a friendship. There's Hassan, a boy who has undying loyalty and kindness and is also the servant's son. Amir is the narrator of this story, a boy who is a lot less loyal and a lot less kind. One day, something beyond awful happens to Hassan and this story covers the consequences of this event. The first part here is set in Afghanistan in 1975, and by the end it is set in America in what appears to be the current day. 

Basically, what I thought this book was going to be about was that the Taliban arrive like a marching band on the day of the kite tournament and they take Hassan and do terrible things to him, and Amir was going to have to try and find him and he failed so when he leaves the country to find refuge, he wants to come back to try and get redemption for this mistake. It wasn't that far off, but it was incredibly far off. 

What actually happens is, on the day of the kite tournament, Amir wins. After he wins, his kite is cut and Hassan does what he does best and runs to catch it. Of course, he does, because Hassan is brilliant in so many ways. I think it's because he was taking a while, but Hassan runs to find him. He does find him, and he's surrounded by their worst enemies. I forgot the other two boys' names, but because they don't appear again in the rest of the book they aren't relevant. The one that does the real damage is called Assef. 

This is the part where I almost slammed my book down in anger and called it quits, because it's quite hard to love a book when you hate the narrator - although I didn't end up hating him for very long, I seem to have a weakness for main characters who are assholes.

Assef rapes Hassan when Hassan stands up for Amir and says he wouldn't give up the kite for anything. He just accepts being raped by Assef, because he wants to stay loyal to Amir. The worst part about this is that Amir had watched the whole thing from the sidelines, and we later find out that Hassan knew this and still stayed loyal, but didn't step in and instead chose to ran. This is the second book that has ever made me cry (the first being "A Monster Calls" by Patrick Ness), although it wasn't really crying, it was more like my eyes watered and I had to stop reading for a moment to collect myself - but I'm going to count it. The part that made me cry was when Hassan walks back to Amir with the kite in his hands and blood dripping down his legs. Amir didn't even have the courage to make him feel better, he did nothing. 

Later on - unclear when, could have been weeks or months - Amir frames Hassan because Amir wants Hassan and his father, Ali, to be gone. Amir's dad (Baba) and Ali have been best friends since they were kids, so not only was he destroying the friendship he had with Hassan and ruining any chances of ever being friends with him again and even just admitting to the truth, he broke the friendship between Ali and Baba too. Amir does this by putting his watch and money he received for his birthday underneath the mattress. Even worse, on Amir's birthday, Hassan and Ali give Amir a gift that cost them a lot of money and seeing as they are servants I imagine they don't have much. 

This did teach me some things that I have been thinking about lately, though, about the art of forgiving other people and forgiving yourself as well as being kind and grateful for what you have despite your dire circumstances. 

I think it's important to forgive other people so you can let go of your past pain and move on. It's not about whether they deserve it or not. It's about letting go of the anger and the want for revenge, so you can move on with your life and put that negative energy to some good. If the people in this book, like Hassan, can learn to forgive the harshest of crimes then I'm sure you can forgive and forget, too. 

Very much how I saw the rest of this book was like an act of atonement, almost. Amir spent so long trying to forget what it was that he did, and ignoring it, before he eventually reached the age where he was in his forties and he properly paid for what he did as a child and made it up (ish) to the son of Hassan. There was a lot of metaphors and hidden messages and meanings I picked up behind the whole Amir and Hassan's son thing, but what I am choosing to focus on here is that it is possible to forgive yourself and atone for what you did and doing bad things doesn't always make you a bad person. Doing bad things and feeling remorse means that you cared, and you're not entirely a bad person in there after all. I really liked that message which I personally got from it. 

I have wanted to make a blog post on forgiveness for a while, but I wasn't sure where to start considering I still haven't really forgiven myself for what I've done in the past and I sometimes think I never will. It's a journey we all have to take on sometimes, and one that you don't have to do alone. 

Also, this book does talk about the very important topic about Muslims/Afghans seeking refuge after the Taliban 'invaded' Afghanistan. Very much like ISIS in Syria, these people need help and I thank this book for bringing to light what should have already been in the light - that people all need help, and the act of a few does not equal the act of all. If you are against Muslims or refugees entering another country for any reason, I hope you have read this book and changed your mind.

- Thank you for reading, and until next time, Loz x. 

There's so much I can say about this book but I think I'll leave it there until next time! 

The Ruler of Books Tag!

Finally, a book tag I'm doing that is actually even in the same year as it was created (and it was created by Ariel Bissett).

If you were the Ruler of Books…

1) What book would you make everyone read?

I recently read "The Kite Runner" by Khaled Hosseini - and although mine, like April's, response to this question would vary month to month if I was to answer this question today (which I am...obviously), this would be my answer. I think it would make every racist little shit change their mind about accepting refugees into your country, the opinion on Afghanistan and Muslims in general and also shares an awful lot of wisdom about undying loyalty and friendship (and how being a coward is a real shitty character trait). 

2) What would you abolish in book construction?

I completely understand the point in them, I understand that they'd help highten book sales somewhat and I like how it encourages people to read the book just because the cover is one of their favourite movies (or just a movie they really liked) - and that's the movie covers, or the stickers you can't remove that say "Now a major motion picture", I'm not a person (I consider, anyway) who's particularly vain about their books - I break the spine, I fold the pages, but something about these just bother me immensely. In the same way people on covers bothers me, I suppose. 

3) What author would you commission to write you any book?

J.K.Rowing - I want her to write me a beautiful little story about a group of witches who are all female in a male-dominated, modern world but not in an alternative universe like the Harry Potter world was - hiding among society, a lot like AHS: Coven but without the horror aspect. I think it would be wonderful. 

4) What book would you demote to the library basement to make room for new books?

"It's Kind of a Funny Story" by Ned sofwggvarsh. I don't like the sexism. I didn't like the satire. I though the plot was boring. I know it kind of...sucks to say this about someone who killed themselves, and I'm really sorry (and maybe that's why all the people who didn't like this book are hiding) but if you want this book, you'll have to really want it to get it because no. Just no. 

5.  What cover artist would you commission to make a mural?

JIMKAYJIMKAYJIMKAY. 

6.  What characters face would you put on a coin?

I love so many characters but maybe Luna from the first three "Gone" books by Michael Grant, I adore her for being a badass and knowing her own worth. She wasn't a memorable character to a lot of people, but she's the one who I think of first. 

7.  What book would you award the “Ruler of Books” 2016 Prize to?

I can't really say Kite Runner again, and I don't think I've read any books this year that were published this year (I tend to read used books from charity shops).  Probably Spiderwick - or The Long Earth. I don't knooooow. 

Thank you for reading! if you want to do this book tag, I'll have the clean copy underneath this sentence so you can have a try :)

If you were the Ruler of Books…
1/ What book would you make everyone read?
2/ What would you abolish in book construction?
3/ What author would you commission to write you any book?
4/ What book would you demote to the library basement to make room for new books?
5/ What cover artist would you commission to make a mural?
6/ What characters face would you put on a coin?
7/ What book would you award the “Ruler of Books” 2016 Prize to?

My May Goals

I think that doing monthly goals instead of yearly goals would end up being far more productive and would result in a higher success rate. In January, I felt very hopeful of my future. I was happy. I was in a state of confusion, but I was happy. Then, after about mid-February, bad things happened and continued to happen and I'm going into May in a state of depression that is only worsening. I'm not sure what to do about it, but I'm hoping by giving myself May goals and maybe talking about it with you or someone I can help get better. 

Forgive Myself 

I'm not expecting to be able to do this in a month, but I can make a start. I have done some bad things in my past and it strongly affects me and my ability to treat other people well, too. It affects such a huge part of my life and I need to understand that everyone was once young and stupid, and most people have done bad things that have strongly affected someone else (even if it was just a judgemental comment now and again in high school). It's just hard to forgive yourself when the other person is hurt still from what you did. It's hard to forgive other people, which I have only recently learned to do. 

Drink More Water/Eat Healthier. 

It's not just that I'm overweight, but it's how being overweight affects me. It affects my confidence. My mental health. Even having to buy more expensive clothes because I'm a bigger size. I don't want to focus too much on losing weight, because that has never worked in the past. Instead, I'm going to focus on the things that can help me achieve that because ultimately these are things that I should adopt for the rest of my life and not just short term. 

Read More 

I don't read that much in my time. It used to be from lack of access to books, and still partly is, but also because when I do have the time to read something else will occupy my time. Watching TV shows, or writing, or watching videos. I tend to almost avoid it, sometimes, which originally I thought was okay to do but I do really enjoy reading - I'm just a lazy reader, lately. I want to see if I can read fifty books this year, and a varied amount of books too. This will hopefully improve my writing. 

Socialize More

I keep avoiding my friends. I don't actively make conversation. I would have plenty of friends, I'm just not social and not a conversationalist. This makes writing dialogue in books difficult, too, and makes me quite depressed out of loneliness (to be accurate, adds to the depression). I have a few people who I know probably don't hate me, so I'll converse with those. 

I'm going to leave it at that, because I don't want to push myself too much for my first monthly goals "activity". I'll let you know how that goes.