Orlando

I am not gay. 

I didn't personally know any of these people that went to the Pride club. I don't even know what their names were. I don't know what their ages were. I don't know what they looked like. 

What I do know is that they were people. Maybe one of them played keyboard on weekends, hoping that one day he'd make it as a musician and sang along to all of his favourite hits as they came on the radio. Maybe one of them loved to play video games and didn't have a job and still lived with his mother, but he didn't have to be hugely important to a grand number of people in order to be satisfied with his life and who he was. Or maybe I'm just making up stories about who they were, maybe they weren't all nice people. Of course, not all of them would have been. 

Did that mean that they deserved to die, especially for their sexuality? Certainly not. 

I've been finding it difficult to continue on with my life like nothing happened. I just can't. I really can't imagine what the family members or friends or even old classmates must be feeling right now. I can't fathom the pain they must be going through just because one or more people thought it was necessary to take them from the world, because he deserved to be here more than any of them. Clearly. He obviously thought that this loss of life was worth it. 

I somewhat feel sorry for him. He is absent of love. He is filled with so much hatred that he can't let God in, he can't love the way we do. He can't see the world with anything but burning hot coals. He wants to destroy. For what reason? I don't know. I want him to be crippled up in pain right now, I want it to tear him alive as he rots in a cell. Something tells me he's probably proud of what he's doing, and the life he has taken. 

It wasn't worth it. 

Here I am to say that you can make a difference. Hannah Hart recently made a video on gun laws and how they need to be stricter so people who are unstable can't get their hands as easily on a gun. To make them a lot less accessible, so we can prevent from doing this in the future, and how we may be small but together we are big and together, we can make a difference. 

Prayers are no longer enough. Thoughts are no longer enough. 

We have to take action. 

Whether that be spreading positivity around wherever you go, fighting for LGBT rights as hard as you can or maybe it's just tweeting to the members of state that we need to see a change and we need to see that change soon. Ask yourself. Is it really worth the loss of more life? Innocent life. No. No, it's not. 

All I can ask from you is that you spread around love. Tell everyone that you love and care for them because it might be the last time you ever see them again. We live in a world where we can not guarantee they will walk through the door healthy and happy. Appreciate today, we don't know what tomorrow will bring. 

I am beyond devastated, I have no words. 

Fight for rights.

(and pictured above is a rainbow flag I saw on my way to college this morning, in support of LGBT rights after the shootings of Orlando. I thought it was beautiful and I don't care how late I already was, or how dumb I looked, I couldn't not take a picture, right? Right)

As for Christina Grimmie, I have watched her channel grow from the 100's to 3 million. I watched her go from the Emo haircut phase in front of an old camera with her keyboard and a gaming poster in the background to the beautiful woman she was getting so high in her career and making something of herself. I know that if she was alive today to witness the Orlando shootings, she would have been making a big difference in trying to help them because that's who Grimmie was. A very helpful and kind and compassionate lady. I don't think even the most hateful of people would be able to say a single bad word against her. She just wasn't the kind of person you could do that to. 

The world has taken a beating this week. Please do not add to the suffering. Be kind. Be loving. Be generous. Do not be afraid to be you. Do not worry about being small. You can and will make a difference to the world, if you only believe in yourself. 

Loz x

Thoughts || "Eleanor and Park" by Rainbow Rowell.

Eleanor is the new girl in town, and she's never felt more alone. All mismatched clothes, mad red hair and chaotic home life, she couldn't stick out more if she tried.

Then she takes the seat on the bus next to Park. Quiet, careful and - in Eleanor's eyes - impossibly cool, Park's worked out that flying under the radar is the best way to get by.

Slowly, steadily, through late-night conversations and an ever-growing stack of mix tapes, Eleanor and Park fall in love. They fall in love the way you do the first time, when you're 16, and you have nothing and everything to lose.

Set over the course of one school year in 1986, Eleanor & Park is funny, sad, shocking and true - an exquisite nostalgia trip for anyone who has never forgotten their first love.

(yes, I copied that from Goodreads. Don't judge me, it's a lot to type, okay!)

(oh, also, this talk is not spoiler free)

So I started this book on the 2nd August, and then finished it in the morning of the 3rd August. I was pretty close, actually, to finishing it in one sitting and it was only because I was getting tired that I didn't. Now, because of this, you might think this talk will be a mostly positive reflection on the book and, as much as I don't want to tell writers their work is crap, it won't be. I like to be as honest as possible on all my social media, my blog is no exception. 

I'm just going to start with Rainbow Rowell overall. I haven't done much (any) research on her, though, so it's just going to be on her writing style and that disclaimer-like chapter at the back. I find it incredibly gripping, even when what she was writing at times didn't interest me. For example, it began to get repetitive and predictable real fucking quickly. I went into this book hoping that it wouldn't be just like any other YA romance, and was thoroughly disappointed. But, more on that later. The fact that it was Rainbow Rowell writing it made me want to keep reading. Sure, the hype surrounding her as a writer probably has something to do with it - even though I've never caved into hype unless I am actually interested in reading the book - but I guess we'll find out if I really do like her writing in future books.

She was pretty sassy in that end chapter. And, you guessed it, that made me really like her too. Although the fact that she ended the book on something that makes me eager for more kiiinda makes me mad. I want to know those three words, dammit! Was it "I love you", or was it "I miss you?" Was it "Come to me?" or "I'm visiting you?". Because of the set-up in the entire book, where Park always said "I love you" and Eleanor wasn't into saying it back (I feel you on that, girl), I'm inclined to believe it was "I love you", however there was also a little tension surrounding "I miss you", too. I guess we just have to go with whatever our imaginations want us to go with. I'm getting off the point majorly here, yeah? Yeah. 

Let's just move on. 

Character development, to me, is pretty important in books. If you don't have characters that you can connect to,  is there really a point in making a plot around them? Is there really a point of telling their story if you don't know the person who's telling it, really know them? I felt this frequently when reading this book. Although, it wasn't bad development, I have read worse, much worse. Eleanor was fiery, just like her flaming red hair (yay, stereotype). She had sass, she remained with a somewhat upper-hand, she was eccentric, she was a "freak", and my favourite part was that she was never described upfront to be a pretty and curvy girl like every other female is in YA romances. They are meant to have a somewhat "flaw" by being bigger then other girls, but that flaw...isn't really a flaw, it's more like some sort of porn movie desire in the end. Some people found her to be pretty, some didn't, which to me is giving across an outdated message of "beauty is subjective", which I believe in but I've heard enough about it. Eleanor, maybe because I connected to her, wasn't where I was seeing development problems.

It was with Park. 

Firstly, and this is just personal preference, I don't know why you'd call your child Park. Secondly, he had vague differences to every other boy in the 80's - aside from the fact he was Asian and "womanly", that is (also another reason why I like Rowell, she kicked gender roles in the face). He sneakily looked into his dads' Playboy magazines, he dated girls because they were popular rather then actually liking them, etc. What Eleanor saw in him, I would never know. 

And, when it came to romance, they said the same sort of things to each other, as they do in every YA romance. Although, I do appreciate this book sounding more like teenagers. Teenagers are jerks to each other, and aren't always soppy and over the top and having sex whenever they get one free moment (although they were almost like that, lets be honest here). 

Which leads me onto my third point, their romance was not believable, they were really just meant to be close friends. I felt for them as friends, but their romance was almost forced, like they needed the affection but couldn't get it from anyone else. Despite this, I was cheering them on throughout the entire thing. I wanted them to work out. I was dying for them to work out. They warmed my heart, gave me butterflies in my tummy, and made my head dizzy - and I'm not even one for romantic shit, that usually just isn't my thing. 

And, lastly, the plot. It was okay. Overall, it was just a story of a blossoming romance. The domestic abuse was not really portrayed horribly enough for me to be mad about it or demand that she never do that again, but it did seem like a ploy to make their romance work out - or seem tragic. But, their was a lot of that in here. A lot of coincidences (like Park, after months, learning how to drive before Eleanor needed to escape out of the town due to her abusive stepdad who was probably going to rape her any day now if she hadn't have got out). It just wasn't an amazingly well developed plot, but I actually kind of liked that. It made a nice change to the very complicated, sometimes over-the-top plotlines I find myself reading now. 

After that hell of a discussion, what do you think about the book, did you like it or didn't like it? Who was your favourite character?

Loz x

Monday Missions #5

There's been a lot of stress and anxiety in my life right now, so that on top of my mini reading slump, I'm only picking one book to read this week and a couple of options if I by miracle get through it and finish it before next weeks Monday Missions. 

I thought I would include the book I am reading right now, even though I am probably going to get it finished today so I can move on to my chosen book of the week, and that is "Carrie" by Stephen King which is one of my favourite "horror" movies of all time (all three adaptations) and if I had known there was a book at the time I had watched the first adaptation quite a while ago, then I would have read it first, but despite knowing the story of Carrie quite well this book is simply a wonder to read and I love it so, so much (quite the lengthly paragraph right there, huh). It's probably going to get a 4.5 stars. 

So, onto the book of this week, I have chosen "Plague" by Michael Grant, the forth book in his "Gone" series. Obviously, I can't say too much without spoiling the first three but in the previous book, things had spiralled out of control and it began to take a more political edge to it. Sometimes, I heavily enjoy reading about politics but recently is not one of those times and it really spoilt the enjoyment of the book for me. Also, a lot of things had been answered which made any exitement or curiosity for the forth book simmer by quite a bit. Nethertheless, I am hoping something in it will turn and surprise me, I am eager to get this series finished with so I can start a new one (although not too fast, I am really enjoying it, finishing it will be bittersweet).

Options for if I do manage to finish "Plague" are the new Rainbow Rowell books I recently bought in the month of June, and I usually don't cave into the hype until the hype has long died down and the books aren't even brought up anymore, but something about the descriptions from added friends on Goodreads made me eager to pick them up...so I did. Although, not too keen on romance right now, so another possibiliy that I really want to read is "Mind Games" by Terri Terry, author of the "Slated" trilogy, or what I assume is a trilogy. I believe it came out early this year, and is a standalone dystopian YA...something I have never read a standalone of before. This will be new to me. I have also never read a book from this author, I'm interested to see how this book will represent her writing. 

Thank you for reading, this is all for this weeks Monday Missions and sorry for the lack of picture, complications came up today that made it too difficult to achieve but I just really wanted this post to come up today. 

June Monthly Book Haul: Part One: Romance

As always, late to the bandwagon, but I'm not a fan of doing things scripted as of late (not that I needed to tell you that, just take one look at this blog). But, also late to the bandwagon in a different way, as Rainbow Rowell has become a favourite author of many, many people and I've only just got my hands on them. Usually, I avoid the popular books unless I really want to read them so the less popular or not popular books can get a chance too (and they're pretty amazing sometimes) but that's a whole other blog topic I have been meaning to talk about.

"Fangirl" by Rainbow Rowell (Unread).

Published 2013. 

The thing that caught my eye about this book is that it's about twins. I love reading books about twins. Although I am fairly close to my sister in the fact that we hardly ever fight (physically or verbally) and we usually help each other out, we're not close in the fact that we know a lot about each other or that we talk about our life with each other but that's mostly due to our personalities. With twins, you get this bond that is so different from any other and it makes a really enjoyable and interesting read. I don't wish to be a twin, I'm quite content with the relationship I have with my sister, but I often wonder what it would be like.

"Eleanor and Park" by Rainbow Rowell (Unread).

Published 2012. 
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This is about a girl called Eleanor, who has frizzy red hair and wears weird clothes, and Park, who likes music, books and being invisible. I believe this starts off as a friendship and blossoms into a relationship. I'm not sure how much I will enjoy this book, I've heard mixed things about it, but my favourite reviewer on Goodreads, Emily May , said a comment in a recent review (I can't remember which one) on how she liked the friendship-to-relationship type of theme in the book even if the book never ended up being a huge success for her. The relationship I have with Austin started off as a friendship and now we've been together two years this month, so I have a weakness for this kind of thing. I hope it's as good as my expectations.

"Hens United" by Lucy Diamond (Unread)

Published 2009.

The last Diamond book I read, "Sweet Temptation", didn't do so much for me as "Over You" did but, despite the sugar sweet endings and the easy-to-guess plotlines, she has a way of writing characters that makes you fall in love with them and can cover dark topics in a serious way without it getting depressing. "Hens United" is about a group of women after the hen night that takes place before a wedding. I believe one is divorced, one is unhappy...and I love nothing more then reading about broken marriages.

"Welcome to Rosie Hopkins' Sweet Shop of Dreams" by Jenny Colgon (Sweet Shop #1) (Unread).

Published 2012. 

This is exactly as it sounds. Rosie gets dragged away to the candy shop owned by a relative of her boyfriend and she thinks it will be uneventful but she is wrong. She also discovers the history behind the jars of sweets. I've never really been a huge candy person, I'm more of a chocolate person and savory stuff for the most part, but I have heard so many good things about this book that I didn't want to turn it away. I finally picked it up. Plus, I am quite interested in the historical background of sweets. Especially mint humbugs. 

Other parts:

Horror/Thriller.
YA. 
Historical Fiction.
Other. 

Thank you for reading!