Dear New Readers

I doubt I have new readers. I don't even think I have readers at all, at this point. My posts only get about 11 views per post, but that happens almost instantly so I question whether those are even real people or just automatic computer monitoring or something? Occasionally I'll get a comment or a share and that inspires me to keep writing but I love writing so I'm sure I'd find something else to motivate me. I'm trying to write something in here everyday, however brief.

So, for new readers, I've decided to do an about me question-and-answer post. I have yet to update the tabs above this post that have an about me section on there but I'm sure by the time you get to this (if anyone ever does), then they will be updated. I used to run this blog with my then boyfriend, Austin, who I was in a serious relationship with. We broke up over a year ago now, but it still says "About Us" on it even though I have since then updated what is inside the tab. It used to be more of a book review and discussion type of blog and although I still do those from time to time it's more like a whatever I want to post type of blog. I don't think I need to add a genre although doing that would probably bring a target audience along if this blog has a specific topic or even purpose.

Anyway, before I ramble anymore and I'm not even being humorous let's get into this: (these were random questions taken from online and have no real order or anything, but that's a pretty good representation of me I think).

What is my Full Name?

Lorna Amranwen Parsons but I prefer to go by the nickname Loz and use my mothers last name, so Lorna Amranwen O'Connor. I think it not only sounds better but makes me somewhat make a statement that I'm more my mother than my dad.

What is Your Favourite Drink?

Coke or Tea (90% hot water, 10% milk in that order and obviously the teabag and the two and a half sugars go in first). I also really like smoothies and sometimes lemonade or Mountain Dew.

What is Your Favourite Song at the Moment?

"Can't Help Falling in Love With You" by Elvis, but really anyone who sings it well is a winner in my eyes.

What is Your Favourite Food?

Hmm...ooh, I don't know. I like food but I can't say I love it, I mostly just snack nowadays. I think probably Hunter's chicken (chicken wrapped in bacon and cheese and topped with BBQ sauce, usually served with fries or potato wedges or just a salad).

What is the Last Thing you Bought?

A Simpsons comic at my local charity shop. The excitement I felt when I saw them there on the shelf. There was also some Beano comics and my sister got one because my mother found one of her birth year and thought my sister would like it. Not sure if she does, I haven't yet asked!

Favourite Book of All Time?

I really don't have a favourite book. I love all books!

Favourite Colour?

Black, red, pink, blue.

Pets?

An almost 13yr old black feline named Tessa and I used to have a one year old called Boo, but she has since been...removed.

Foxy Tessa 

Favourite Perfume?

I never wear purfume although sometimes I do wear my mum's which comes in like a red apple bottle and I like it a lot.

Favourite Holiday?

Halloween and Christmas, I like to merge the two. Thank you, The Nightmare Before Christmas!

Are You Married?

I'm only twenty and I'm in a relationship but it's only been almost four weeks! I do hope to be married someday though.

How Many Siblings Do You Have?

My half-brother, Liam, 6. My sister, Catherine, 18.

Favourite Shop?

A really nice place called Vincent Davies and any charity stores, really.

Favourite Restaurant?

Weatherspoon's! Or Pizza Hut, maybe

When Was the Last Time You Cried?

Last night. Me and my now ex-best friend had a massive argument and I ended up having to block her and I'm still a bit upset about it, all a misunderstanding but she won't really listen and it was pointless waiting for her to calm down because I know her and her temper. She wasn't calming anytime soon.

Favourite Movie?

Anything Disney or Pixar, I probably love. Well, not too fond of The Little Mermaid but everything else I adore.

TV Show?

Once Upon A Time, Doctor Who, American Horror Story, Black Mirror, The Walking Dead, Breaking Bad...I love them all.

PC or Mac?

Never used an Apple computer so I'm going to go with PC.

What Phone Do You Have?

An IPhone 5S, I think it is?

How Tall Are You?

A short five foot seven!

Thank you for taking the time out of your life to read through this. It was very brief and quick, I know, but I want to answer more common and personal things in the About Me section of the tabs on this blog. I'll be updating it either later on tonight or I'll do it tomorrow morning before I head off to my college work experience! 

The Life of the Autistic - Depression, Anxiety and Stress.

Really stupid things bother and stress me out, make me anxious and depress me. Although I am aware of this, it doesn't make it go away, it doesn't change anything. There's only a few things right now that are bothering me, on top of the normal teenage hormones that every teenager has.

I have huge anxiety problems, one of the biggest is change in routine and being unable to build a routine. As I have mentioned several times, I'm going to England to see my family on Tuesday/Wednesday. That right there is one thing that stresses me out, not knowing whether we are going on Tuesday afternoon or Wednesday morning. My mother has already come to explain to me that she can't give me the exact day and has told me the reasons why that is, but it doesn't change anything. I feel extremely nauseated over this, I haven't been breathing properly over the past few days, anxiety attacks are going back to being common and boy...the chest pain is probably the worst right now. 

I can't pack everything right now and yes, I am fully aware it's a week away and packing right now isn't needed but I like to be ready for things, I like to know what's happening. It seems simple but all the clothes need washing and I need some clothes to wear for this week and it's bringing on so much anxiety, and I just want to go to a corner, shut the door and scream while pulling my hair out (yes, caused by the autism) which I have a feeling might happen sooner rather then later at a really bad time, as usual. 

My phone bill isn't paid and if we don't have the money to pay it by the time England comes around, it's going to make things so much harder - my boyfriend Austin lives in Ohio, quite the while away from the UK and if there's anything wrong with the Internet and something happens, I always use my phone and will go to Austin to help myself calm down because he always knows exactly what to say and gives the most useful advice for how I can fix what's wrong or how I can make things better and without having that little safety net, it's a huge anxiety trigger for me. I know, I know, another teenager obsessed with her phone but honestly, I don't care what other people think about that (obviously, otherwise I wouldn't be making this post), it's something that I need to help me. 

Along with the above, I am not in the best home situation. To put it nicely, I have a very bratty younger sister who likes to make things harder on all of us. She's putting a lot of pressure and worry and anxiety on top of me, and all of the anxiety I already had is just making me super depressed. I am not diagnosed with severe depression, so just putting it out there that my main problem is and always has been anxiety, especially socially. My mother is also very very busy and most of my life, I am not ashamed to admit that I have relied on her for most things so during times like this when I need her to be consistent and to know things, she can't do that for me and it's probably driving her as well as me crazy.

My exam is in a month and as you probably already know, autistic kids have a lot of problems with revision/studying and everytime I try to do it, I can't remember anything and I freak out and get too anxious and angry to continue - then the fact I will probably fail the exam if this continues just makes me want to cry because if I try to tell anyone about this, they tell me things like "All you have to do is work hard. You get what you deserve!" but I am trying hard, I really am. I'm not getting anywhere. 

There's also a few personal problems going on with me, too, that I haven't even told Austin about so I'm obviously going to leave that out of here...

Basically, I won't be blogging for a little bit. I might be a couple of days, a couple of weeks, a couple of months, I don't know. It won't be until I have a steady routine going on, and I'm in a situation where I can come up with ideas. I will still be writing a lot of drafts on here as I always do because I do love writing, but they have bad spelling and they're not structured, I just don't have the energy to fix them so they're worthy of being published. I hope you can understand. I will see you when I can.

I'm seeing my family soon! - travelling and stuff.

Hey! So has I said in a previous (deleted) post, I'm going to see my grandparents, my dad and his girlfriend in about two and a half weeks now, over the Easter holidays. A lot of things have happened in the year and a half since I last spoke to any of them, so it's going to be quite weird over there - different from what my memories vision. I'm still exited anyway, especially seeing my nan. The other three, I never get on with too well. 

The car journey is about five hours long. We usually leave quite early in the morning, at about 10am, and we get to McDonald's in about an hour or two, so before midday. That's where we meet up with our grandparents, who take us the rest of the way - which is where it gets really boring and dull. 

We usually get to our grandparents' house at 3/4pm, depending on the traffic, and our dad usually visits that afternoon when he has finished work, or he'll come the next day. We spend the week watching movies, reading, eating a lot of takeaways, going shopping, and going for multiple walks - so, not really all that interesting. 

The way back is the same, 3/4 hours till we reach the McDonalds, and then mother will take us the rest of the way home, unless she is unavailable, then it's my other granddad who will take us back home.

I'm meant to be saving up for an Xbox 360, but I feel like going on this trip might result in quite a few books bought. Oh no.