Somewhere along the lines of "she looks like what Trump's daughter SHOULD have come out looking like" is what I imagine I've been known as, if I've been known at all, but lately I seem to have magically become sexually active. Odd, I think I'm just coming across desperate men or men who are too scared to say no to me and I'm actually hoping it's more of the latter.
After my second pregnancy scare, I decided "You know what would be a good idea instead of trusting condoms not to break? Contraceptives!". I took an emergency one on the day I went to my first sexual health clinic. Isn't that a milestone?
Firstly...okay, firstly. It's obvious why everyone is there. It's something to do with sexual health. Obviously. The room was filled with young women, in almost every seat in the waiting room, despite being an hour away from closing time. Like, heavens, why.
On the plus side, free WiFi.
I already knew what I was going on - the implant, otherwise known as "The Rod". If you are unaware of what this is, it's a small little rod-like device that goes underneath the surface of your skin and realeases a tiny bit of progesterone (I think!) every day and that prevents your ovaries from releasing eggs, I think? I had a leaflet...I have since lost the leaflet.
We were sat in that room for an uncomfortably long time while I complained to the guy I fucked that I hated being a woman because sometimes I HATE BEING A WOMAN. Fuck.
I then came across a guy I knew in school, awkward encounter in an awkward place. I just passed him and he wanted to greet me and I was like "yeah...hi" and walked passed him to go into this little room where I was weighed, measured (height, not dick) and had blood pressure taken. Man, those things feel like they're trying to squeeze my arm off or something.
Theeeeeeen, more waiting. And more waiting. It was horrible.
I was called into another room eventually, where a nice little lady asked me a bunch of really personal questions (mostly medical). Some were like "You got a boyfriend?". Bitch, no. I had to take a pregnancy test and then we went back outside and then FINALLY we were called in.
I had to lie on my back (I do too much of that lately, clearly...) and they inject you with a numbing gel. Once that happens, they insert the rod and give you a little card for you to take it out in 3 years. YAY.
I have to wait six days for the hormone to be released and after that...oh, God. Mood swings and changes in my period is what I'm meant to expect and I'm fairly nervous about what's going to happen to me. HELP ME, I DON'T WANNA DIE. I mean...not that much, anyway.
Overall experience: like a 7/10, a please don't make me do it again.
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