Hey! It's Sunday! It's a week until Christmas! Are you excited?! Because I am very excited. The only problem I am currently facing is mental health worries - as you know if you suffer from a mental illness, they don't follow plans and sometimes it doesn't matter if everything is falling into place they will strike and attack anyway.
I don't much remember last Christmas very well, but I do know I woke up feeling less than my best. I was excited, I love watching my little brother (then 5) open presents and be so happy Santa came and he would sit and play with things all day. I was also putting on an act because I know how much my mother values Christmas, and how she is as sensitive as I am so a little thing like a facial expression change could make her upset. She put so much thought into her gifts, too, and I wanted her to know I appreciated it.
I remember a Christmas before that where I spent the whole day really upset, drunk and crying the whole day. A reason I don't think I was ever able to identify. I just wasn't feeling very good that morning, and it continued for the rest of the day.
I'm worried I won't be feeling very good next Sunday, because I haven't been lately. I'm gradually getting better, then I drop, then I get better again. I'm just hoping Sunday isn't one of those "bad days". I just feel like there's a lot of pressure to be happy, when being happy isn't completely possible for me, around this time of year.
If anyone else is struggling with that side of things, then I can sympathize and I understand. Hope you have a good Christmas though! Just a quick little mental health post.
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