My May Goals

I think that doing monthly goals instead of yearly goals would end up being far more productive and would result in a higher success rate. In January, I felt very hopeful of my future. I was happy. I was in a state of confusion, but I was happy. Then, after about mid-February, bad things happened and continued to happen and I'm going into May in a state of depression that is only worsening. I'm not sure what to do about it, but I'm hoping by giving myself May goals and maybe talking about it with you or someone I can help get better. 

Forgive Myself 

I'm not expecting to be able to do this in a month, but I can make a start. I have done some bad things in my past and it strongly affects me and my ability to treat other people well, too. It affects such a huge part of my life and I need to understand that everyone was once young and stupid, and most people have done bad things that have strongly affected someone else (even if it was just a judgemental comment now and again in high school). It's just hard to forgive yourself when the other person is hurt still from what you did. It's hard to forgive other people, which I have only recently learned to do. 

Drink More Water/Eat Healthier. 

It's not just that I'm overweight, but it's how being overweight affects me. It affects my confidence. My mental health. Even having to buy more expensive clothes because I'm a bigger size. I don't want to focus too much on losing weight, because that has never worked in the past. Instead, I'm going to focus on the things that can help me achieve that because ultimately these are things that I should adopt for the rest of my life and not just short term. 

Read More 

I don't read that much in my time. It used to be from lack of access to books, and still partly is, but also because when I do have the time to read something else will occupy my time. Watching TV shows, or writing, or watching videos. I tend to almost avoid it, sometimes, which originally I thought was okay to do but I do really enjoy reading - I'm just a lazy reader, lately. I want to see if I can read fifty books this year, and a varied amount of books too. This will hopefully improve my writing. 

Socialize More

I keep avoiding my friends. I don't actively make conversation. I would have plenty of friends, I'm just not social and not a conversationalist. This makes writing dialogue in books difficult, too, and makes me quite depressed out of loneliness (to be accurate, adds to the depression). I have a few people who I know probably don't hate me, so I'll converse with those. 

I'm going to leave it at that, because I don't want to push myself too much for my first monthly goals "activity". I'll let you know how that goes.